Out-aging my big brother

This week marks 12 years since my big brother David died. David was born 12 years before me. I'm now the same age he was when he fell 200 feet while hiking in the Colorado mountains: 47 years old, 47 years young. It's weird enough being his age. But, next year, it will be 13... Continue Reading →

Screaming inside my heart, lungs

In my last post, I reflected on how my deceased brother continues to inspire me to get outside and to exercise — for my health, nerves, sanity. He also inspires my outrage. His step-mother (we have different dads) rightly pointed out that during this pandemic, David — in addition to fueling and calming himself with... Continue Reading →

Move Your Skin

I often wonder how my brother David would have reacted to developments in the world had he lived. Would he have joined Facebook? Probably — he would have liked creating photo albums of his trips and carrying on conversations in threads with other athletes. I think Instagram would have delighted him, with his penchant for... Continue Reading →

On the Edge of 47

[Not quite the same ring as Stevie Nicks’s “On the Edge of 17”...?] I'm in a brief liminal state between 46 and 47 years old right this minute; my birthday is tomorrow. When I was born in June of 1973, my big brother David was already 12. Numbers. Ages. They're hard facts, and should seem... Continue Reading →

present (or, I hate shivasana)

“Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift.” — Mary Oliver There's a whole lot of sitting with ourselves these days, whether we like it or not. Being present. It comes as no surprise to me that this word which... Continue Reading →

Remote

This week, the governor of Massachusetts extended our previous two week stay-at-home advisory through May 4, a total of six weeks. That's when I almost started day drinking. Many imagine this will be extended even further to stem the spread of the virus that has, in the matter of less than a month, hijacked the... Continue Reading →

My brother the doctor, extra missed today

Today is my big brother David's birthday. He would have turned 59, and would probably have been freaking out about being on the verge of 60, which I'm certain he would have considered O-L-D. Ironically, aging seems to be one of the only things he was afraid of. It's also Friday the 13th, and we're... Continue Reading →

Kookaburra

When I was growing up, we sang a lot. At home, in church, at school, wherever. One of our family’s favorites to sing together was a tune my mom says she learned in summer camp when she was 12, in Texas, where we all grew up. I'll remember it forever, she wrote me. Maybe because... Continue Reading →

Love like velcro

I wasn’t looking for another dog. We already had one, and he was damn near perfect. But when I saw Trixie’s black, white, and tan face, I was done for. A tiny color photo in an email was all it took. That was 12 years ago. Trixie came all the way from Arkansas in a... Continue Reading →

What makes this year unforgettable?

After thinking about a short piece for a long time, which I envisioned being called “10 Things 10 Years After Your Brother Dies,” over the summer I finally wrote it and Modern Loss — a platform I appreciate so much — published it. I loved working with Gabi Birkner, a compassionate, smart, and intuitive editor... Continue Reading →

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