When I was born, my brother David was already in junior high: a 12-year-old boy with glasses, gap teeth, and a sort-of-shag haircut, except not as cool. It was 1973, and his geekiness belied what a heartbreaker he would soon become — after contacts and braces and athletics (plus a better haircut). He already loved nature... Continue Reading →
Today the weather was so much like it was 16 years ago today: clear and crisp and full of promise. That feel of autumn just nodding its head, the school year starting, new beginnings. Still, I was tugged back to one of the hardest days ever, because that's what painful anniversaries do. Three hundred and... Continue Reading →
I hate to fly, but I love to see other places, so planes are a necessary evil. Things had been rough both personally and professionally for weeks, and I was ready to do just about anything for a break from my life anyway; I felt tight and angry as a fist in need of some... Continue Reading →
It's my brother's birthday again, the day each year when I marvel at what age he would be if he hadn't died — nearly 16 years ago now — from a fall while hiking in the Colorado mountains, and I deeply wish he were here so we could celebrate in person. Nevertheless, I always like... Continue Reading →
When the holidays are approaching and festivities are being planned, for families who have lost a member — which is a lot of us — we often think of the empty seat. Where a beloved person once joined in, a place is now vacant. In my case, it’s specifically the empty daybed at the edge... Continue Reading →
Today is Día de los Muertos, the Day of the Dead, which I've written about before because I find it so beautiful and moving, and — dare I say — refreshingly normal and healthy? I love that a culture makes a point to acknowledge death, especially in the celebratory way that those Mexico and elsewhere... Continue Reading →
Me and David on his birthday in 1977 or 1978, I think... Every year on this day, I celebrate the fact my big brother was born. And I mourn the fact that he isn't growing any older, since he died almost 15 years ago. Today, David would have turned 62. Sixty-two! An age that, when... Continue Reading →
Sometimes it feels like everything that ever happened to me has compounded. As if the addition of all my life's wins and losses doesn't balance out; instead, it is more than its sum. And that this journey is one gigantic emotional roller coaster of highs and low. Grief can loom larger, and more dramatically. There... Continue Reading →
You know it’s been a long time when you think it is the 15th anniversary of a death and then realize, counting backwards, that it's actually the 14th, and your brain has done bad math again. It might as well be the 100th, it feels so long. Or the first, all over again, because there's... Continue Reading →
It's just past Halloween, and we've finished All Souls Day on the Christian calendar, a time to commemorate our departed ones. Now Mexico is in the midst of Day of the Dead celebrations, one of two — or more — days for remembering and mourning those we loved and lost. I am so grateful for... Continue Reading →
True Scrawl 