When I was born, my brother David was already in junior high: a 12-year-old boy with glasses, gap teeth, and a sort-of-shag haircut, except not as cool. It was 1973, and his geekiness belied what a heartbreaker he would soon become — after contacts and braces and athletics (plus a better haircut). He already loved nature... Continue Reading →
Today the weather was so much like it was 16 years ago today: clear and crisp and full of promise. That feel of autumn just nodding its head, the school year starting, new beginnings. Still, I was tugged back to one of the hardest days ever, because that's what painful anniversaries do. Three hundred and... Continue Reading →
It's my brother's birthday again, the day each year when I marvel at what age he would be if he hadn't died — nearly 16 years ago now — from a fall while hiking in the Colorado mountains, and I deeply wish he were here so we could celebrate in person. Nevertheless, I always like... Continue Reading →
Me and David on his birthday in 1977 or 1978, I think... Every year on this day, I celebrate the fact my big brother was born. And I mourn the fact that he isn't growing any older, since he died almost 15 years ago. Today, David would have turned 62. Sixty-two! An age that, when... Continue Reading →
Wow, what a time to be alive, and afraid, and also so clear. The pandemic has made all of us reevaluate what matters to us, and what we really can't do without. I can't do without my friends. I wouldn't be able to survive this seemingly endless pandemic halfway sane without them. Jena, Karen, and... Continue Reading →
I am going through my books. A lifetime of books, I want to say, although this is not quite true. My adult books, I guess — though that sounds like something it's not! — largely from college and beyond, though there are a few childhood ones that have traveled all the way to my grown-up... Continue Reading →
After thinking about a short piece for a long time, which I envisioned being called “10 Things 10 Years After Your Brother Dies,” over the summer I finally wrote it and Modern Loss — a platform I appreciate so much — published it. I loved working with Gabi Birkner, a compassionate, smart, and intuitive editor... Continue Reading →
It's almost my birthday, and my mother needs ideas for a present. She loves books and book-shopping, so I go straight to my Goodreads list, thinking, Easy! I'll just grab two or three titles and email them to her. There are currently 98 books I've earmarked as “Want to Read” on my virtual bookshelf there.... Continue Reading →
retreat noun re·treat | \ ri-ˈtrēt \ 1 : an act or process of withdrawing 2: a place of privacy or safety 3: a period of withdrawal for prayer, meditation, study, or instruction For five days, I woke not to the alarm on my phone, but to sun pouring into my room at dawn accompanied by the musical conversation of birds in a gingko tree outside.... Continue Reading →
I've been thinking about the idea of community a lot. There is so much in life that makes us feel separate, other, and alone that finding a tribe of people that makes you feel included, valued, and understood is worth a great deal. This is why clubs, churches, teams, and such exist, I'm sure. Though... Continue Reading →
True Scrawl 